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When the story surfaced that a prominent couple had been murdered and their son, Nick Reiner, was a person of interest, it brought addiction back into the public spotlight. However, parents grappling with a loved one’s substance use are concerned the discussion will focus on an extremely uncommon act of violence rather than the far more common risks of the condition.

A Personal Connection

Ron Grover and his wife, Darlene, have been closely following the developments. They were merely familiar with the Reiners professionally, yet they identify deeply: their own son also became addicted at 15 to painkillers and later heroin, similar to Nick Reiner, and spent years cycling through rehab and jail. After seven excruciating years, their son got sober in July 2010.

“It’s just heartbreaking,” says Grover. “It tears you up, because that’s a family torn apart, just like so many other families we know whose sons or daughters didn’t survive the disease of addiction.”

The Scope of the Crisis

More than a significant majority of Americans report their lives have been touched by addiction—whether through their own use, a family member’s addiction, housing instability from addiction, or an drug-related emergency leading to medical care or death, according to 2023 data.

Approximately 16.8% of Americans, or 48.4 million people, were living with a substance use disorder in 2024.

“This can happen to anybody, no matter how rich you are, no matter how disadvantaged you are, no matter how influential you are,” emphasized Grover.

The Weight of Judgment

The Reiner story struck a chord with Greg, who leads a parent organization. “We talk a lot about how it’s a family disease,” Greg said. “It has a tremendous impact on others’ lives.”

However, he is concerned that the murders will make people “very wary of anybody who’s struggles with having an addiction, and think that they could become dangerous at any point in time. And that’s simply inaccurate,” Greg added.

These “are really crucial discussions to have, since addiction is so prevalent in the United States and the rates have consistently risen,” stated an academic researcher who studies addiction and criminal justice. She pointed to the significant stigma surrounding addiction and mental health in the U.S., including the “idea of someone being really a threat and the potential for harming others.”

She also cautioned against jumping to conclusions about the alleged role of the son or his state at the time, noting it is not known whether substance use or psychological distress were recent factors.

“I’m afraid that people are going to take their biased views of addiction and substance use disorder, and fill in the gaps to try to make sense of what happened,” she said. “Because of his history, the first thing that everyone is talking about is his struggle.”

The Reality of Risk

While addiction can lead to erratic actions, and some substances may increase aggression, a brutal act like a murder of two people is highly unusual.

“The vast majority of people with addiction or substance use disorder do not ever show anything even approaching to violent behavior. It’s a real rarity,” the expert explained. “The statistical truth is a person is significantly more likely to harm themselves than anyone else.”

The Constant Anxiety

Both Greg and Grover have lived with fear—not of their sons, but about them.

“I’m afraid he’s going to die at some point,” Greg said. “If he returns to using, it’s eventually going to claim his life. That’s my greatest terror. And my other fear is just being estranged from him.” He described the painful decisions parents face, such as setting boundaries and sometimes making the “horribly painful” choice that an adult child cannot live at home.

“Our fear then was, every single night you laid your head down, that you could get that call or that knock on the door telling you that he was gone forever,” said Grover. Those fears are present “every single day, 365 days a year, for a parent.”

He recounted the harrowing calls: from the hospital saying a son was unconscious; from jail, where a parent might rationalize behavior by thinking, “ ‘Well, at least he committed theft to support his habit; at least he wasn’t breaking into the neighbors’ houses.’”

Isolation and Judgment

Parents often battle loneliness—questioning whether the addiction stemmed from some mistake they made; feeling responsible for a child’s actions; and worrying about the stigma directed at both parent and child.

It is extremely challenging to understand a family’s ordeal without having been through it, Greg noted. “With addiction, it can change on the spot. You could be content one day and miserable the next... It’s not unusual for that to happen.”

Hope and Recovery

Data indicates about three in four people with addiction are able to become sober.

“Just as you can get over any other type of disease, you can overcome this disease, too. You can heal and be productive,” said Grover. “If you try and you fail, you get up and try again.”

Today, his son is a husband and a father, holds a university education, and works as a union electrician. Grover reflected on his struggle to “save” his son, realizing it wasn’t possible.

“I can drag him into recovery if I want to, but if he doesn’t reach for my hand for help, it’s not going to work,” he said.

Yet, they always told him they cared for him and had faith in him.

“I tell any parent or anybody else that’s dealing with someone struggling with drugs: make sure your hand is always, always extended, because you never know when they’ll reach out and accept help.”