The Phrases shared by My Parent Which Rescued Us as a Brand-New Father

"I believe I was merely just surviving for a year."

Ex- Made In Chelsea cast member Ryan Libbey expected to handle the demands of becoming a dad.

But the reality soon proved to be "utterly different" to his expectations.

Life-threatening health complications surrounding the birth saw his partner Louise being hospitalised. Suddenly he was pushed into becoming her chief support as well as caring for their newborn son Leo.

"I was doing every night time, each diaper… every walk. The role of mother and father," Ryan stated.

After eleven months he reached burnout. That was when a talk with his father, on a bench in the park, that led him to understand he needed help.

The simple phrases "You're not in a healthy space. You must get assistance. How can I help you?" created an opening for Ryan to talk openly, look for assistance and start recovering.

His situation is commonplace, but seldom highlighted. While the public is now more accustomed to talking about the stress on moms and about postpartum depression, not enough is spoken about the challenges fathers encounter.

Seeking help isn't a weakness to ask for help

Ryan thinks his challenges are linked to a broader failure to talk among men, who still hold onto harmful perceptions of masculinity.

Men, he says, tend to think they must be "the fortress that just takes the pounding and doesn't fall time and again."

"It is not a display of failure to ask for help. I failed to do that fast enough," he explains.

Mental health expert Dr Jill Domoney, a researcher focusing on mental health before and after childbirth, says men frequently refuse to admit they're having a hard time.

They can believe they are "not the right person to be seeking help" - most notably in preference to a mother and child - but she stresses their mental state is equally important to the household.

Ryan's chat with his dad provided him with the chance to take a respite - taking a couple of days away, outside of the home environment, to gain perspective.

He came to see he needed to make a shift to consider his and his partner's emotions as well as the day-to-day duties of taking care of a new baby.

When he was honest with Louise, he discovered he'd failed to notice "what she was yearning" -reassuring touch and paying attention to her words.

'Parenting yourself

That epiphany has changed how Ryan sees parenthood.

He's now writing Leo regular notes about his journey as a dad, which he hopes his son will see as he grows up.

Ryan hopes these will enable his son to better grasp the language of feelings and interpret his decisions as a father.

The idea of "parenting yourself" is something musician Professor Green - also known as Stephen Manderson - has also strongly identified with since having his son Slimane, who is now four years old.

When he was young Stephen was without stable male parenting. Despite having an "incredible" bond with his dad, profound difficult experiences resulted in his father struggled to cope and was "coming and going" of his life, making difficult their bond.

Stephen says suppressing emotions caused him to make "terrible actions" when younger to modify how he was feeling, turning in alcohol and substances as an escape from the pain.

"You find your way to behaviours that are harmful," he explains. "They might short-term modify how you are feeling, but they will eventually make things worse."

Strategies for Getting By as a First-Time Parent

• Talk to someone - when you are swamped, tell a trusted person, your other half or a counsellor about your state of mind. It can help to lighten the load and make you feel less isolated.
• Maintain your passions - keep doing the pursuits that allowed you to feel like the person you were before the baby arrived. This might be playing sport, socialising or playing video games.
• Look after the body - eating well, staying active and where possible, resting, all contribute in how your emotional health is doing.
• Spend time with other new dads - hearing about their journeys, the difficult parts, along with the good ones, can help to normalise how you're feeling.
• Remember that requesting help is not failure - prioritising you is the most effective way you can support your loved ones.

When his father later died by suicide, Stephen naturally struggled to accept the death, having had no contact with him for many years.

As a dad now, Stephen's committed not to "perpetuate the cycle" with his child and instead provide the security and emotional support he missed out on.

When his son is about to have a meltdown, for example, they do "shaking the feelings out" together - managing the feelings safely.

The two men Ryan and Stephen state they have become improved and more well-rounded men since they faced their struggles, changed how they communicate, and taught themselves to regulate themselves for their children.

"I have improved at… dealing with things and handling things," explains Stephen.

"I wrote that in a message to Leo last week," Ryan shares. "I said, at times I feel like my role is to guide and direct you how to behave, but in reality, it's a exchange. I am understanding an equal amount as you are in this journey."